Our culture can limit us in insidious ways. Years ago, I read literary critic Jill Ker Conway's When Memory Speaks: Reflections on Autobiography. She argues that there are two distinct models for our lives. Men's autobiographies follow the hero's journey, a pattern of action and adventure, while women's autobiographies follow the saint's life, in which, as the saint seeks union with God, women seek union with a romantic partner.
In profound disagreement with her reductive vision, I created a senior seminar on autobiography for my college students, asking them to read Conway, and then Walden by Henry David Thoreau, which described his spiritual journey at Walden Pond, and Vera Brittain's Testament of Youth in which she defied sexist stereotypes to go to college and treated wounded soldiers on European battlefields as a volunteer nurse during World War I. Students would then select and report on an autobiography from a list that included the lives of Margaret Mead, Eleanor Roosevelt, Nelson Mandela, Winston Churchill, and Jane Goodall, drawing their own conclusions about the possible shapes of our lives.
I wanted them to realize that we can live creatively, following our hearts rather than accepting the confining dictates of our culture.
Has anyone ever told you what you should be because of your gender, ethnicity, cultural background, age, or other factor? These limiting messages can come from family, friends, institutions, or advertising. Going deeper, when you listen to your heart, what is it telling you about your own life's journey? For we are all unique, each with our own special part in the beautiful tapestry of life.
Remember to listen to your heart as you contemplate your next step in your life's journey.
If you have a few moments now, I invite you to join me in this brief meditation.
- Close your eyes or shift them into a gentle downward gaze.
- Then breathe in, focusing on your heart and slowly breathe out. You can put your hand on your heart if you wish.
- Again, slowly breathe in and breathe out.
- Breathing in, breathing out, feeling your shoulders relax, your mind become more peaceful.
- As you continue this slow heart-focused breathing, ask yourself, "Where am I being called to live now? What is my next step?"
- Take your time to listen, breathing into your heart, feeling your connection to the greater oneness of life.
- The answer will come, now or later as a gentle message from your heart.
When you're ready, gently open your eyes and return to the present moment, relaxed and renewed.
I wish you joy on your ongoing journey of discovery.
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References
Brittain, Vera. (1933/1994)Testament of Youth. New York, NY: Penguin.
Conway, Jill Ker. (1999). When Memory Speaks: Reflections on Autobiography. New York, NY: Knopf.
Thoreau, Henry David. Walden. (1854/2004). New York, NY : Signet.